Parents aren't taking the full responsibilities on their kids nowadays,they only know how to blame on them when things goes wrong.This is the thing I hate the most,since I experienced it myself before.When I was small I admit that my mum treat us in a proper caring way,because that time my mum wasn't living with my father.Ever since,my mum brought us back to his side,the terror of our life begins.(F.Y.I: my father begged my mum to go back to his side)I couldn't believed it,my mum fall for the trick and went back to his side.13 years ago they seperated and after 13 years again they seperate again(which means now).Back to 13 years ago,as I remembered he always scolds us just because the business is bad.I don't really get,do he have to put the blame on us?He's the one who begged so that we can live with him again but after we re-unite,what kind of attidute is he giving to us?He says this is to educate us,what sort of education is this?Blaming education?As far as I know,before this he has re-married twice and he brings his previous sons and daughters to live with us.(around 2-3 years old)When I was walking up the stairs,his daughter kicked me through the glass table,I was lucky enough that I never died yet.My father and my mum knows this incident but they never scolds her,and probably blaming me for being careless.I was almost warded but they say I'm being careless?It was then I realised that every mistake they done is because of me being careless.Same goes to my mum,blaming me for every mistakes my siblings made.She says I must tutor them(ecs my elder bro),he is more elder than me yet is not mature,so whenever he does anything wrong,my mum would scold me,saying ''You know that is not mature enough,so why didn't you help him?'' then my legs would be covered with rotan marks.When my bro break all the rotan,my mum would say I did it because I did not stop him for doing it.It's my fault.Another two marks of rotan is being print on my skin.I have to admit that my father is more arrogant,he uses belt since he couldn't find rotan anywhere.But when all the rotan is broken,my mum uses the belt,she whacked me like chasing a outside dog away.She says that all this rotan marks is to remind me what wrongs I have done,I know that I have done something wrong before but I guess I don't deserve all the blames even when it's not mine right?My family before that,was a warm one but as we grew,it's turning cold.All thanks to my ''good'' father,spoiling everything we have.Useless one ever.I promised myself even NOW if he begged me to forgive all his wrong doings,I WON'T(since my siblings says he adores me the most,so he might probably begged me for his forgiveness)SEEK FOR FORGIVENESS NOW?IT'S TO LATE,When there's a tiny hope that this family won't break into half,I hold on to it,trying to repair this relationship between father and daughter.But now,I think there's no point doing it,no matter how hard I try to forgive him I couldn't.When my life have a a streak of light shines in,you covered it.You are the one who close every hope,dreams that I had.When I was officially a librarian,I wanted so much to tell you that I had pass and now officially a librarian.But I guess that you wouldn't know,even when it's FORERVER because I don't have the thoughts of telling you.Everytime when my friends talks about their father,I would just sit and listen because I don't have the courage to tell them about what father I have before.When they asks me,I would just reply ''My parents are seperated'',if it's for my mum she would say'' He's dead'' or ''He's nothing to do with me''.I wanted to tell them that you're once good to me but then instead of telling them that I told about all the rotten backgrounds I had when I was with you,it wasn't me who wanted to say that it was my heart,no matter how heart-breaking the stories are,I told them with a happy expression but deep inside I was deeply hurt.When my friends scolded you(my father),I thought I should be happy but then I could only smile and agree,I couldn't be happy.I wanted to be happy because I had leave this useless father,I wanted to agree with all my friends thoughts that he is a asshole BUT I couldn't forget all the happy moments when he's with me.W.T.H?I suppose faded memories couldn't be be recovered but this memories keep on playing in my head,like it doesn't wants to be dissapear.In this year 2009,my family is finally break into half and I'm happy with it.At least,I couldn't be blame again.I'm staying with my mum and siblings,my mum emotions recovered a lot since there's a lot of things that she has to go through.She's now open-minded and cheerful,I supposed thanks to her friends.As for me,I try to forget the rotten background,trying to recover emotions(sticking ard those cheerful ones),on the status of repairing my mood.I was always wondering nowadays,what if I see him around again?what shld I do?what shld I say?STUPID THOUGHTS.It's much more easier for me to go through the tough path since my friends are with me.Those who accompanied me through this matter is really a good one because they know that going through with a friend without a father is quite hard to handle.But still their laughter never fails to make me laugh,their smile never fails to make me smile.I admit they are helpful since I'm able to recover,and to Cel ,don't worry you will sure become a cheerful person soon,as Keiko,don't curse your parents anymore,and you'll be more happy because i'm here with you !I really appreciate those laughter spread by Keiko Yukie,Sarah,Cel,Kairin Momochi,Anis and other friends.Those are medicine that I used to recover all along.Special thanks to the first four because for listening to all the craps that I have said all along in school.Individual thanks to ::.::Li Ann::.::1) making me smile and laugh always,2)cheering me up(without failing!),3)always there when i needed you4) giving me nice japanese names-AIKAWA HARUHI-::.::Sarah::.::1) listen to all craps I said(abt my father),2)making me smile ;D3)always there when i needed you::.::Kairin Momochi::.::1)comfort me always2)being able to help me express my anger(towards you!)3)always there when i needed you4)didn't fail to make me smile5)always make me laugh when I'm in a emo corner6)never abandon me as a friend before::.::Cel::.::1)makes me smile2)makes me laugh3)draws me in anime version-the cute one!-4)changing my japanese name into another ver.-AIR TAWAR-IN anyway,thanks guys! No other words can express my gratitude towards you all~SMILE!
,nicax3 all frenz-have a nice week!-
# posted by Nica at
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Yunni's sweet bloggi3 
